Tuesday, July 1, 2014

HELLO JULY...I'm Glad You're Here


 I am so stoked! It is July! It is almost time for our next IVF fresh cycle. I'm going to refer to it as the cycle that almost didn't happen. Why did it almost not happen, you ask?

Well, I ALMOST cancelled it. By almost, I mean that the thought ran across my mind more than once. It all started some time last week when I got a bill from the fertility clinic showing that we owe $3500 out of pocket for the FET back in January. I understand that a lot of states don't have ANY fertility coverage, so if you want to slap me for bitching about this, then I won't blame you. But seriously...until I find a teaching job, we are struggling. We don't have thousands of dollars just sitting in savings. I was frustrated and thinking about how it would be nice to stop getting ourselves deeper and deeper in debt. I thought about the fact that we may never have a successful IVF or FET. We are getting deeper in debt for possibly nothing in return. That thought pisses me off. I started doing some light research on child free living last week. Check out BuzzFeed's article: 28 Reason's You're Better Off Never Having Kids. Oh my gosh does it sound lovely.

However, I don't want to get past my childbearing years and regret not exhausting our resources. We both want a product of our love and we LOVE kids, but I think that both of us would actually be okay with not having children. I asked Mike how much he wanted kids the other night. I wanted a percentage from him. He wouldn't give it to me....probably because he didn't want to hurt my feelings or piss me off. I think if I had to give a percentage, I would go with 70% of me wants kids and 30% doesn't care. Or 65/35. I'm not quite sure. I figured that Mike wanted me to say first, so I just sent him a text while I was thinking about it and he said he is about there or 60/40. Either way...child or no child...I know he is the one for me and that we will have an amazing life together. He is my heart and I look forward to all of our future adventures.

He is currently on Clomid to try to help his number of sperm increase. He had a semen analysis yesterday and will be hearing from his doctor shortly. We are still going to go through with this cycle, but we may chose to hold off on doing a frozen embryo cycle. Hopefully we don't have to worry about any of that. Hopefully July is good to us and that August brings us a BFP!

8 comments:

Amie said...

I am totally with you on this percentage stuff. I wonder if it's our brains rationalizing all of the "what ifs" ya know. Like what if we just aren't able to have kids and have to accept that. At least we know that we would be happy if we aren't able to. But of course we would be thrilled a million times over if we can :)

Ashley Sanderson said...

Kyle and I were just having this conversation the other day! We were talking about if IVF hadn't worked, if we would have been ok just being me and him. I think we were both 60/40 too. If you would have asked me 2-3 years ago, that would not have been my answer. It's amazing how infertility changes our outlook. And yes, I am going to slap you! Haha Texas does not cover IVF or ANYTHING! ;) Just kidding. I won't slap you. But I might throw you a nasty glare ;)

Infertile625 said...

fingers crossed for your cycle. At least there will be no "what ifs" or regrets. don't even get me started on the cost and lack of insurance coverage. It's all BS. And I live in a state that mandates coverage. I have 100% coverage, so please don't slap me. But if Connecticut can do it then so can every other state. It's a racket!

Just T said...

The cost of fertility treatment is awful for anyone, even if you do have partial coverage. Glad you were able to figure things out.

Good luck!

Caroline said...

Hope you get a peace about it all girl! I know that when we walk in God's will then He ALWAYS provides. He never calls us to do something that he doesn't provide for!

Aubrey said...

I am hoping that July is your month girl!! xo

JoJo said...

I'm afraid to have this conversation with my hubby. I think we both avoid it but he has made it clear adoption is not for him. Hoping July is ur lucky month.

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

Good luck with your upcoming cycle, Stephanie! Hoping we both get our BFPs this summer. I know how hard the money can be…we've exhausted all of our savings, borrowed from family and had to take out 3 loans for our egg donor cycle. Sigh. But it will all be worth it if it works.