Sunday, November 3, 2013

I Was PUPO...Until I Was Just PO

I was so excited to be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise). I have tried to be so positive during this cycle. I thought for sure that in less than 9 months I would be bringing home one or two babies from the hospital. Of course every little symptom was something that I read could be a pregnancy symptom or because of implantation. Then last night I went to the bathroom and wiped and saw a little bit of light brownish blood. I immediately got upset and contacted my sister who did the research online and found this:

Does Spotting Mean Its Over?
No. Please breathe now - you're turning a remarkable shade of blue. Your body has been going through a lot during your IVF cycle. Hormones, injections, stress, egg retrieval (if it is a fresh cycle) - none of these should be discounted. And during the transfer your doctor probably used a speculum so he/she could visualize your cervix, then the catheter had to pass through the cervix, and then the catheter may have irritated a tiny bit of the lining. In addition, you are likely on some hormone supplements including progesterone, which can cause spotting. Any of these things could cause a little spotting, and not necessarily immediately.

 
There is another thing that can cause spotting, and this is a happy possibility: it's called implantation spotting. Implantation spotting happens when the embryo burrows into the uterine lining and implants, so that it can begin growing. Implantation spotting often looks different from other types of spotting; the color is a light pink or light brown and it may be "streaky" in appearance.

Some women say that in addition to spotting, they also feel some mild cramping a little before or at about the same time the spotting begins. The feeling typically does not last long, as the embryo is quite tiny and only causes a mild disruption in the uterine lining.


Not everyone experiences implantation spotting, so it is one of those aspects of the post-transfer period that tends to make women question everything. Are the cramps the beginning of my period, or are they implantation cramps? Is that spotting implantation spotting or is it the beginning of my period? I don't have any spotting or cramping - so maybe the embryo didn't implant! And on and on, until we are in a two week frenzy of anxiety and nerves.


I felt a little better until I woke up this morning to blood on my pantiliner. I decided to go against what I said and I took a HPT (with the first pee of the day) just to see that my instincts from last night were right. I was tired of being hopeful when my head was telling me that it just didn't work. Of course I saw "Not Pregnant" for about the billionth time. My heart is breaking.

I feel that my body has failed me...over and over again. Now I have to go in for the pregnancy test tomorrow @$$ early in the morning...and for what? I already know the answer, but they gotta do the test.

On another note, we got the call from the lab a few days ago that said that they are freezing 3 embryos. I just have to call the insurance company to see if more than one embryo transfer is covered. We have my husband's insurance until the end of the year and they cover 1 IVF. I don't know if that is 1 egg retrieval and as many transfers that we need to do until we use up the embryos, or if that is 1 egg retrieval and 1 transfer. We may have to wait until we get under the school district insurance at the beginning of the year. I sure am tired of waiting.

I am really hoping and praying that my blogger friends that had close IVF cycles to me have a better outcome than I did. I will keep my fingers crossed for all of you!

22 comments:

Infertile625 said...

I'm so sorry. I thought you were going to be pregnant too. Hugs

Amie said...

My heart totally is breaking for you right now. I thought for sure you'd be pregnant. Big hugs and prayers for you.

JoJo said...

I'm sorry. I broke down myself and tested only to see a bfn. I'm already in the mentality that it didnt work. Sucks I have to wait so long to confirm it. Hope your insurance covers more than one transfer.

Laura said...

I'm so sorry, Stephanie. It's hard to have to go do a beta when you already know. This sucks so much and I wish I could make it better. Sending love and hugs.

Becky said...

I'm so sorry :(

Mrs.Lorge said...

I am so sorry, Stephanie :( My husband and I did IVF in January and got a positive result only to find out through an 8 week ultrasound that it had failed, we were devistated after trying for 7 years. We then transfered 2 of our 3 frozen embryos in July and were not successful :(
I have just recently come across your blog along with those of many of your followers through Pinterest and it is so remarkable and comforting to know there are women out there that feel the EXACT same way that I do! I knew I wasn't the only one but to see your own experiences in someone else's words is an incredible feeling.
I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow :)

Stephanie said...

Thanks for following! :) Do you have a blog? These women are amazing! I am truly glad that I decided to blog about our experiences. Not only do I have a journal of all that we are going thru to create our miracle(s), I have found a network of women who are an awesome support group! Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts! :)

Stephanie said...

Thanks! :) When is your pregnancy test scheduled? You may (hopefully) be testing too early.

Stephanie said...

Thank you! Maybe next time! :)

Stephanie said...

Thanks, Amie! :)

Mrs.Lorge said...

I do not, I am really brand new to this whole blogging world, your blog being the first :) I have considered it though after reading yours and your followers, I really think it would be a great healing process and support venue. Thanks for sending me a note :) I will continue to follow!

Stephanie said...

Thank you, Laura! :)

Stephanie said...

Thanks, Becky! I am handling it better now! :)

Ashley Sanderson said...

Oh Stephanie, I am so sorry! I am praying that tomorrow maybe the results will be different. If not, we are all hear for you to cry to and scream to. We all know that feeling. If it is negative, go have a nice glass (or two or three in my case) of wine and some amazing sushi. That's what I aways do with I get a negative. Praying for you sweet girl!

Ashley
Man and Wife and Two Fur Babies

Amanda said...

First time here… so sorry to hear the bad news! The "Not Pregnant" may be the worst possible sight… I hate it for you. Thinking of you!

Caroline said...

Oh girl, Hugs for you. I know this is so hard, but praying you feel the Lords presence during this time!

Wherethebleepisourstork said...

Stephanie, I am so sorry. I know how much you wanted this to be THE cycle. I wish you didn't have to go through this. I am sending you and Mike a virtual hug and praying that you won't have another BFN ... Hugs my dear friend. <3 Teresa

Donna said...

I'm so sorry. :(

Babydreams2011 said...

Hi Stephanie. New reader here and fellow blogger. Been on the IVF road since 2003. I wanted to ask you what progesterone support you were on and how much? Have them check your level with your beta!! You shouldn't bleed (in theory) before beta unless you have an irritated cervix and or implantation spotting or a SCH (subchorionic hematoma). You CAN spot if your progesterone level is low however. .. Please e-mail me and we can chat! Hugs!!

shay said...

Oh man, so sorry to see this. I had to do the same exact thing before my blood test a couple of months ago. It sucks to have to go in there already knowing the outcome. Hugs!

Jennifer Juniper said...

I am SO sorry. : ( Hoping the next one is the one that sticks. xoxo

Aubrey said...

:( XOXO