Saturday, April 27, 2013

NIAW 2013

I hope everyone has been having an enjoyable week. As we are closing National Infertility Awareness Week, I thought I would reflect on my week.

Let me start by saying that I feel that my infertility has been trying to define me lately. I have been finding myself getting really negative every time I see a baby announcement on Facebook. It is frustrating to see people who have been married for less than a year have their dreams come true. We have been together for almost 10 years and married for 7! When is it our time?! We deserve it more than a lot of people that I know. Grrr. Anyways, I refuse to let it define me. I need to take a deep breath and just think positively. No matter what happens in life, I have been blessed with an amazing family, a close group of wonderful friends, a fabulous husband, and the sweetest most fun dogs in the world. If we were to be blessed with a child, it would be so wonderful, but if that is not in our cards, then at least I have a nephew to spoil and another one on the way! :) Besides...we always joke that we are going to buy a home in Mexico....it's more doable without the extra expenses of a child! ;)

Speaking of my nephews, I got to spend a little time with Lukas on Wednesday. He is such an adorable little boy. I love him to pieces. He is almost 11 months old. OMG time flies! Then...on Thursday I found out that I am indeed going to have ANOTHER nephew come September. :) His name is Nathaniel (or Nate for short). Yay! I am BEYOND excited! :)
Playing with Lukas

Waiting for Nate
I really haven't done anything this week to advocate for infertility. It sucks to say, but I don't think many people (fertile people) care and I don't think that they can even understand what we are going thru. I am tired of complaining and getting the same responses. People think they understand, but they have no idea. How not only all of the BFN's make you feel, but the hormones that are being put into your body all month long. I really felt like I was starting to lose myself. On top of that, the medical bills are non stop and you don't seem to get anything out of it! IT. JUST. PLAIN. SUCKS.

To start off...for those of you that don't know...my husband and I are on a month break from meds and

Old picture, but it is fitting. :)
IUI's. I am waiting to meet with the doctor to find out what our next step is. While on this break, I have been spending this week focusing on myself and my marriage. This may be TMI (too much information), but the week started off wonderfully with an amazing night with my husband on Sunday. I initiated non planned passionate sex. It is nice to not feel like you are on a schedule. Like you can't do it this day because you might ovulate the next day...and you don't want the sperm count to be lowered. Then on Monday and Tuesday we went to the YMCA and played racquetball. Mike was impressed on Monday because I had a huge improvement in my game. :) Then he told me on Tuesday that I had digressed. Oops...oh well. I was tired. :) Lately I have been more lovey dovey and sending him sweet texts or making him feel wanted. I know this stuff should come naturally, but in the last few months it hasn't. Hormones and procedures sure take a lot out of a relationship. I refuse to let my marriage take a hit because of infertility.

Monday is my next step appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist. From talking to my favorite nurse, the RE will more than likely have me do an injection that works directly on my ovaries instead of taking Clomid. We have 3 more IUI's that are covered under insurance....then I guess it may be IVF. I at least plan on doing one more cycle (next month). I may end up taking a break after that. I am hoping to get a summer school teacher's aide position in my school district. If I do, I will be working the same hours that the clinic has set up for ultrasounds and lab work. Bummer. I am going to ask the RE if they make any exceptions and do some in the afternoon. We will see.

2 comments:

Em said...

Good for you for being purposeful about your relationship. Sometimes that's so difficult, especially when you just don't feel like it, and ESPECIALLY when you're TTC.

Kailey Birkeland said...

I love how transparent you are... it's very refreshing for me. We are on a break as well. We will probably end up taking like two months. I am right there with you with how all of the procedures and meds take a lot out of your marriage. I'm looking forward to not timing sex this month and just doing it when we want :) I wish the best... yay for a break!!! :)