Saturday, April 27, 2013

NIAW 2013

I hope everyone has been having an enjoyable week. As we are closing National Infertility Awareness Week, I thought I would reflect on my week.

Let me start by saying that I feel that my infertility has been trying to define me lately. I have been finding myself getting really negative every time I see a baby announcement on Facebook. It is frustrating to see people who have been married for less than a year have their dreams come true. We have been together for almost 10 years and married for 7! When is it our time?! We deserve it more than a lot of people that I know. Grrr. Anyways, I refuse to let it define me. I need to take a deep breath and just think positively. No matter what happens in life, I have been blessed with an amazing family, a close group of wonderful friends, a fabulous husband, and the sweetest most fun dogs in the world. If we were to be blessed with a child, it would be so wonderful, but if that is not in our cards, then at least I have a nephew to spoil and another one on the way! :) Besides...we always joke that we are going to buy a home in Mexico....it's more doable without the extra expenses of a child! ;)

Speaking of my nephews, I got to spend a little time with Lukas on Wednesday. He is such an adorable little boy. I love him to pieces. He is almost 11 months old. OMG time flies! Then...on Thursday I found out that I am indeed going to have ANOTHER nephew come September. :) His name is Nathaniel (or Nate for short). Yay! I am BEYOND excited! :)
Playing with Lukas

Waiting for Nate
I really haven't done anything this week to advocate for infertility. It sucks to say, but I don't think many people (fertile people) care and I don't think that they can even understand what we are going thru. I am tired of complaining and getting the same responses. People think they understand, but they have no idea. How not only all of the BFN's make you feel, but the hormones that are being put into your body all month long. I really felt like I was starting to lose myself. On top of that, the medical bills are non stop and you don't seem to get anything out of it! IT. JUST. PLAIN. SUCKS.

To start off...for those of you that don't know...my husband and I are on a month break from meds and

Old picture, but it is fitting. :)
IUI's. I am waiting to meet with the doctor to find out what our next step is. While on this break, I have been spending this week focusing on myself and my marriage. This may be TMI (too much information), but the week started off wonderfully with an amazing night with my husband on Sunday. I initiated non planned passionate sex. It is nice to not feel like you are on a schedule. Like you can't do it this day because you might ovulate the next day...and you don't want the sperm count to be lowered. Then on Monday and Tuesday we went to the YMCA and played racquetball. Mike was impressed on Monday because I had a huge improvement in my game. :) Then he told me on Tuesday that I had digressed. Oops...oh well. I was tired. :) Lately I have been more lovey dovey and sending him sweet texts or making him feel wanted. I know this stuff should come naturally, but in the last few months it hasn't. Hormones and procedures sure take a lot out of a relationship. I refuse to let my marriage take a hit because of infertility.

Monday is my next step appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist. From talking to my favorite nurse, the RE will more than likely have me do an injection that works directly on my ovaries instead of taking Clomid. We have 3 more IUI's that are covered under insurance....then I guess it may be IVF. I at least plan on doing one more cycle (next month). I may end up taking a break after that. I am hoping to get a summer school teacher's aide position in my school district. If I do, I will be working the same hours that the clinic has set up for ultrasounds and lab work. Bummer. I am going to ask the RE if they make any exceptions and do some in the afternoon. We will see.

Friday, April 19, 2013

NEW SHOES! :)

Two days ago I wore my "I Wear Pink For My Sister" shirt to the gym, so OF COURSE I had to wear my sneakers with pink in them. :) These sneakers are many many years old and not very comfortable. 45 minutes into my 60 minutes on the treadmill my left big toe had a pain along the right side of the nail. I stuck it out for the last 15 minutes. When I got home I took off my shoe and sock and I had a rather large blister on my toe. So....I popped it. Then last night I woke up and my toe was THUMPING. It was so painful. I wiped it with  peroxide and put some Neosporin on it. I knew today wasn't going to be fun at work because I am on my feet for 4 hours, but somehow the swelling went down throughout my time there. I decided not to go to the gym today and rest it. I did however go pick up new cross trainer Nike shoes from Kohl's. I am not a fan of the Saucony shoes that I got about 3 years ago. I haven't used them much, but they are not very comfortable when I am walking on the treadmill. These are extremely lightweight. I hope they are as comfortable as they seem to be. :)

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

So Far This Week....

I broke down and bought more minutes for the tanning salon on Monday. I let like 400 minutes go to waste at the end of last year because I didn't use them. Mike told me that I am not allowed to buy anymore minutes because of that. Oh well....haha. Now that I am super pale, I figured that I would buy some minutes just to get a tan started. Once it warms up outside, I will start tanning in the backyard. I am so looking forward to summer (especially because I am off and able to enjoy it). :)
 
Today has been the 14th day since we got our membership at the YMCA. I am happy to report that I have gone to the gym 12 of those 14 days. Mike has gone 11 out of 14 days. I do 60 minutes of cardio every time that we go. I am down 5 pounds since last week on Tuesday. I am feeling good and still really enjoying getting out of the house every day with my hubby. Even if we aren't spending time together at the gym...unless we are next to each other on the treadmill...which even then we are listening to our iPods, I love being able to glance his way and catch him wink at me or flash me a smile. :) I know...corny. ;)

On Monday I went to the gym by myself for the first. This is a huge step for me because I NEVER go anywhere by myself. I always want company even if I am shopping. Anyways, thank God for my upbeat music because all 7 TV's were playing the news about the Boston bombings. It was SO depressing.

Yesterday I wore workout clothes for my sister (see on the right)....straight down to my socks with pink ribbons on them. :) My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer at 30 years old. At 33 years old, she is cancer free and very much pregnant! Yay for her! :)

Speaking of my sister.....

I had coconut syrup from Hawaii on my waffles this morning. My sister and brother-in-law brought it back for me from Hawaii in February. It is very good, but also 170 calories for a quarter of a cup. Totally worth the calories though. It is my "every once in a while" treat. I usually eat my waffles plain to save on calories. :)

Anyways....have a wonderful rest of your week and a splendid weekend!

Sunday, April 14, 2013

IUI #3 = BFN

Friday morning I went in for my pregnancy test. After that I headed home and took a two hour nap. I haven't been sleeping really well lately, so it was a much needed nap. When I woke up I got ready and headed to Hopkins Park, IL (Pembroke Township). I had been invited to tour the town and school by the superintendent after going to a job fair in February where I met her. In case you don't know, I graduated last year with my degree in Elementary Education. I have been searching for a teaching job since. I lucked out and got a part-time aide position at a school nearby, but I need a full-time job and I REALLY want to teach! Back to the story....so this town is VERY poor. Oprah did a story on it years ago called Invisible Lives. The town is about 30 minutes from me. Touring the town reminded me of Mexico. A lot. When we got back to the school they fed us and showed a little PowerPoint and talked about their school and community. Then we got a tour of the building that serves Pre-K thru 8th grade. I really like the fact that the superintendent is so focused on getting the students involved in the community and the community involved in the school. It is actually pretty neat. I kinda liked it there. I wouldn't mind working there. It also helps that I have a college friend that works there. I am hoping that there is an opening and I at least get an interview. I need the practice.

On the way home I got a call from the clinic saying that my test came back negative. The nurse was so nice and told me that if I need anything or have any questions, to not hesitate to call her back. She was so sweet. I felt myself start to tear up as I hung up the phone. I told myself "DO NOT CRY" and I held it together pretty well. Later that night I was super bummed and was a complete bitch to my husband...who didn't deserve it. We are better now. That night Mike didn't feel like going to the gym and I was feeling down, so we skipped it. The next day it felt good to get my frustrations out at the gym. I really think that exercising is helping with the infertility stress. Our "next step" appointment has been moved to April 29th, so I am taking the month off. Time to focus on making my body healthy!

On that note, we have been to the gym 9 out of the last 11 days. I do 60 minutes of cardio each time. I am feeling good and am down 3 pounds. :)

Monday, April 8, 2013

12DPO Update

I am really enjoying this 2WW. The fact that I have to wait sucks, but everything else in my life is perfect.

This is where we spend most of our time.
Like I mentioned in my last post,  my husband and I joined our local YMCA. I was finding myself getting EXTREMELY bored and annoyed the last few months because the hub and I watched television ALL night EVERY night. Maybe the boredom comes because I only work from 10-2, so I have so much time in the day to be bored. Either way, we needed a change. We joined on Wednesday and have gone there Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and tonight. It has been amazing. I am so glad that we did this.

Order it. Really. :)
I am also making more time to add reading back into my life. I pre-ordered Kelly Oxford's book Everything is Perfect When You're A Liar in January and finally got it late last week. I am about halfway thru it and running across many LOL moments. She sure has a way with words and a very unique life. It is an easy read and I am thoroughly enjoying it. She is a Canadian writer and Twitter sensation. Check her out @kellyoxford.

I think that focusing more on myself has somewhat relieved the stress of infertility. I have decided that IF (come Friday's results) I am not pregnant, then I am going to go to my scheduled "next step" appointment on Monday, but still plan on taking a few months off. It would be good for me to focus on getting healthier before I have to house a baby and gain a ton of weight. :)

As for the pregnancy symptoms that I was feeling, they were VERY strong last week. My nipples were VERY tender on Tuesday (which is WAY sooner than I have that happen before my period). I took an AHPT Saturday and this morning and got a BFN, but it is still early. I will take one more on Wednesday and then I have the blood pregnancy test on Friday. Pregnancy symptoms or not, I am trying not to get my hopes up. I think that since I am loving the gym and looking forward to getting fit, I would not mind as much if I got a "Not Pregnant" this time. However, my heart and checkbook might disagree with me.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Y-M-C-A

I am super excited. Mike and I got a membership at our local YMCA. We went in tonight to get a tour and we played racquetball. I guess you can't really call it that seeing as though we were mainly practicing hitting the ball and what not. I am SO not athletic, so Mike let me have some practice. :) It is going to be awesome because my neighbor, Jenny, is signing up tomorrow too. I will have two workout partners. I will go with Jenny in the morning and Mike at night. I will be getting tons of exercise. :)

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Boredem Sets In

I am thinking about giving my blog a makeover. I want to make it not only about our TTC journey, but our life in general. Only thing is that my life is pretty boring right now. Ha ha. There is just so much more that I could do and post if it isn't just focused on one thing. I follow many blogs like this and it is nice to know more about the person than just their struggles with infertility, ya know?! So...with that being said...I am going to give my blog a facelift in the near future and add some stuff.

Happy hump day everyone!

Monday, April 1, 2013

5DPO

I am currently 5dpo and have another 11 days until I go in for the blood pregnancy test. I just received 9
Clear Blue digital pregnancy tests in the mail today. I like those better than the lines because people always question the lines. I want it to be like BAM you're "pregnant". I don't want to sit there staring at the thing and have to ask others opinions. :) I am tempted to start using them every other day starting at 7 or 8dpo. They are just so darn expensive though. Yet another large expense for us infertiles. What is the earliest that you have heard people getting positive results...how many dpo?

Even though I told myself that I wouldn't, I am starting to Google random "symptoms" to tie to pregnancy. I know it is still way early, but oh well...I can't help it. Currently I am have been getting extremely hot in the middle of the night (maybe night sweats?), dreaming a lot (probably from the progesterone gel), slight (very slight) cramping every once in awhile, and acne on my chin (I usually break out right when my period is due...which is still a little less than 2 weeks away). Why do we do this to ourselves?! I really want to stay positive, but it is easier to think negatively because then it hurts less (or so we hope) when we get a negative response.

I have been trying not to think too much about what the next step is (in hopes that we won't have to worry about it). I just get so nervous about what it involves. I go in on the 15th to talk with the RE and get a plan in motion. I just hope that if I get a negative response that I won't shut down like last time and say that I am done. I thought it for a moment, but my ultimate goal will make me so happy. Like the picture says "If the plan doesn't work, change the plan but never the goal." :)

As for this 2WW....it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. I have been keeping busy by cleaning our two spare bedrooms. One is the exercise room, which looked like my closet had thrown up my clothes all over the place. The other is an office room. I am trying to relocate things in the office room so it can be empty and ready for a baby nursery (hopefully sooner than later). :) I plan on having a garage sale in June to get rid of stuff that we don't need anymore. I am not finished going thru things yet, but I am getting close.