To begin, I was all set to take two more grad classes starting this week. For many reasons, I decided not to take any classes this semester. I may even wait until I have a teaching job because my student loans are already through the roof. At least then the school district will pay for part of my schooling. I also thought that I would focus more on finding a teaching job for next school year.
The main reason for pushing it off…I am nervous about the stress of trying to get pregnant…or if I get pregnant soon….the stress of being pregnant. My mind is ALWAYS on it as it is. I have to take frequent trips to the fertility doctor…and it is an hour away from home. I just started to get nervous about all of the stress. On top of this being on my mind lately, a good friend of ours had a doctor’s appointment yesterday and the doctor didn’t hear the baby’s heartbeat. She was 6 ½ months pregnant and lost her baby boy. This makes me so incredibly scared to even be pregnant. This on top of the fact that my sister-in-law miscarried a year and a half ago at 4 months and last year my sister had a miscarriage early on in the pregnancy. I am so scared and worried…and I am not even pregnant yet. I have heard so much about stress “not being good on the baby”. The last thing I want to do is have so much stress that I lose the one thing that I have been waiting so many years to have.
Sorry this sounds like a crazy rant, but I hope it makes sense. It does in my head. ;)